Nikki Yeager

After finally combating the curse of the stye, I managed to contract a non-contagious skin disease that may or may not be caused by a virus and apparently has no cure.

It all happened when I first sprouted a patch that looked something like ringworm. About a week later the "ringworm" grew a bunch of friends on my belly and decided to host a party on my back.

Before long I was covered in itchy, scratchy, peeling red spots all over my mid section. Finally I admitted to myself it probably wasn't ringworm.

Turns out I came down with something called pityriasis rosea - something that can spread all over your limbs and last up to a nauseating.....

SIX MONTHS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I took to the dermatology forums and scoured every corner of the internet for anything that would stop the itching. Anything that would stop this disgusting virus' forward march down my arms and legs. Anything that would help me fall asleep at night without digging little canyons in my skin from the incessant scratching.

And after a week of searching I stumbled across an unexpected solution - UV treatments (otherwise known as frying yourself in a cancer causing tanning bed until you burn the virus out off your skin).

At that point another hour of itching was going to make me slam my head against a wall and rip my skin off just to stop the torture. So I ran off to a tanning salon with my one-free-tan coupon and hoped with all my might this wasn't just a crazy man's imaginary cure.

Three tans later I've managed to burn that bast**d out of my body. I may have lost some skin in the process and I could, quite possibly, have caused myself skin cancer...BUT I am winning the war.

I'm now a few spots away from being pityriasis free and am unfortunately radiating UV rays from my over-tanned skin and sporting an unsightly shade of orange. 

Think the Jersey Shore would accept me now?