Nikki Yeager

I've decided that I will never, ever, ever have a child until I can afford cabs. Everywhere. 

I absolutely advise everyone to follow in my footsteps. Why? Because NYC is NOT a child friendly city. People don't move to Manhattan thinking, "oh boy! Can't wait to sit over 40 dollar plates of pasta and have babies wailing in my ear!" 

Instead, most people move here to live a fast paced life. To follow their dreams - to make something happen. 

Not to sit on a confined train with an angry baby and an exasperated mother. 

But that is exactly what happened to me the other day. 

I was happily riding the 1 train downtown to 42nd street when I accidentally hopped off a stop to early. Right as the doors started closing I jumped onto another car and found myself in a nearly empty train. Compared to the shoulder-to-shoulder crowd I was previously standing in, this was inexplicable.

So I did the normal mental check that a person goes through when on an unusually empty subway car.

Is the air-conditioning broken and is the temperature  above 100 degrees?

no. 

Is there a painfully fowl smelling hobo in either corner? 

none. 

Is there vomit/blood/poop anywhere in sight? 

not this time. 

With a perfectly mid-range temperature, normal subway smell and lack of bodily fluids in sight, I found myself utterly confused. Until the train started that is.  And then ...

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa

The crying started. 

But let's not call it crying because that word hardly does this baby's sound justice. The noise coming out of that squirmy little body was more like the sound someone would make after they were stabbed. Twice. It was ear-shatteringly loud, shrill like you wouldn't believe and unrelenting despite the deadly stares from onlookers. 

A few people even went as far as talking loudly audibly bout the inconsiderate baby - "Do you hear that thing?!" .. "Yea, you'd think that mother would do something!" 

But this baby was impervious to all insults. As was the mother. 

She just sat there smiling at onlookers as if her child was the cutest thing on the face of the earth. It was as if she was living in her own little world. 

Oh look at how cute my baby is!  My little cutiepie just pulled on your hair with a snot-covered hand. Ohhhhhh don't you just love her?! 

Then I joined in with the groaning passengers while the writhing child smacked her mother in the face and then continued to shriek at the top of her lungs. 

Hehe look at that! She just broke your eardrum. Is that.. is that blood coming out of your ear? Aw, look at how adorable that is! 

As the train pulled up to 42 street I crushed myself against the doors with the remaining 10 or 15 passengers, eager to get out. The second there was a crack in the door we all burst out. A small stampede happened. I'm not sure how many New Yorkers we lost in the rush but I did see at least one scarf get trampled on the subway floor. 

And the train pulled away with only one unfortunate soul left inside with the demon child. 

The mother continued smiling at her awful child while this older woman just sat on a bench smiling. As the train left the platform I got one last look inside and noticed the hearing aid shoved in the old woman's ear.. presumably turned off.