Nikki Yeager

The other day I took a gander at my wardrobe and realized that I only have two summer styles: 1) just-got-out-of-the-gym-and-look-like-death 2) Jewish-conservative. 

Needless to say, neither are quite right for my office in the Fashion District, not to mention events in Manhattan, which is why I wandered into a BK mall yesterday- in search of appropriate summer attire for cheap. 

First stop H&M. Normally about a quarter of my outfits come from H&M. I love their dresses, love their professional fun shirts and can't get enough of their pants (they fit my booty but aren't too baggy!) so I thought I'd be just fine buying a few things right away. Unfortunately when I perused the rack all I found were terrible floral prints and skin tight dresses. And trust me, skin-tight is no exaggeration.

I tried on one dress and it literally fit me TIGHTER than my own skin, showing off every curve of my body. And every bump, lump, roll, shape, crevice, organ from my chest to my upper thigh. 

Even the mannequins looked fat in those uber stretchy tubes of fabric... which is always a terrible sign. 

Then Macy's. Nothing but see through shirts and dresses that looked more like shirts. Quick browse through Express. Lots of sequins = icky. Desperate run through Strawberry. Only stripper-esque attire. 

Finally, Forever 21. I thought I struck gold when I saw the cutest knee-length polka dot skirt hung up on display. So I hunted down an employee, a good twenty minute process, and begged her to grab the skirt in a small. 

The woman looked at me, scoffed and stated: "That's a dress." and walked away. 

Turns out my perfect knee length skirt was really a crotch length dress  

So I finally left the whole mall, disappointed and tired, now ready to settle for Jewish-conservative in order to avoid Hooker-classic.